..Sexy & Deadly

Effort

2012-01-27T20:48:00.000+08:00

Everything he did today is amazing! I've been looking for this because I was so paranoid. I was over thinking things and I reached the point that I thought he doesn't love me anymore.

But everything he has done today are better than what I have thought. It was all worthy.

I am so grateful to have you and for all the things you've done for me. I love you and you know that it will never change no matter what.

*He looks so good today, and he smells so good as always. I'm feelin' goosebumps when I look at him*

Sleep

2012-01-27T20:42:00.000+08:00

Finally having a good sweet night's dream. After all the nights I've cried out and after all the bad feelings I went through, here I am sitting on my bed, smiling. How could I ever exchange this day to something else?

I can actually fall asleep without over thinking things and situations. All I can ever feel right now is happiness. Maybe he's just not so good about communicating through mediums, but he's the best when it comes to having contact in person.

Everything is fine now, and I'm finally over it. I know he's the best man in this world, and maybe that's why I expect that much and also the reason why I can't resist him.

Being with you will always be my everyday goal, every morning I wake up, and before I close my eyes at night.

I'm all cleared with paranoia. I think I'll be undergoing Euphoria. So much contentment.

Grip

2012-01-26T19:38:00.001+08:00

If you're losing grip, don't expect me to hold on at the other end of the rope. I'll be there beside you, take off your hands for a while and I'll lend both of my hands. I'd be the one to hold your rope and buy you some time for you to be able to recover and go back holding on. Things may come at worst, but my sincere love won't fade. We encounter difficulties and sometimes you just want to give up. You were always the more mature one between the two of us. I give up with my emotions, and you give way in all of our fights. I guess you're getting tired of my attitude, but still, here you are, standing so firm in our relationship.

If someday you can't get enough, and you think you're unhappy with our relationship, please do take more time to think about it before leaving me completely. I appreciate every little thing you do, and I hope you're doing the same thing. I may be possessive and insecure, but I make it up when doing something better for you. Think of all the things we've been through, of how we both held on and did not give up. The love makes us stay, makes us go back together again.

We both give effort, which maybe are not equal, but I don't measure how much you give me, it doesn't matter to me anyway.

What I want is to feel loved, cared, and envy-free. I get so paranoid when you give so little attention to me and I'll find out that you're giving so much attention to unimportant things. Don't get mad when I get jealous, because women were born this way.

I won't feel any insecurities, and inferiority if at the other side of you looking for pretty and sexy girls, you give more attention to me than to them. Because every time you look for other girls, and you give so little attention to me, my self-esteem goes down and I won't feel good about it. I'd always think that I'm not enough for you, what's wrong with me, what do you want for you to give me more attention than how much you give to them.

If you're going to look at them, make sure you'd give me your attention a thousand times more than how much you do it to them.

That's just the reason why I get so paranoid. You forget the little things. Sometimes I think that maybe you've had enough of me and that you want a different one. If you want to have someone else, tell me now and don't make me suffer like this. It's not fair that you're the only one happy here. I've been trying my best to stop thinking about this, but I can't because I can't tell it to you. You wouldn't understand a thing because you always think that it is wrong and that I shouldn't act this way and that you're right so I must follow what you want us to be.

If you're unhappy with our relationship, tell me now before I reach the peek of my sickness.

I always ask myself if even just for a second, DO I EVER CROSS YOUR MIND AND TELL YOURSELF, "I REALLY LOVE THIS GIRL"?

Don't let go of the rope unless you feel like you're not anymore getting what you want and what you deserve.

I really miss you and I wish that you'd come back to me now. :'(

ElevenMinutes

2012-01-06T15:12:00.001+08:00

Eleven Minutes is one of my favorite books written by one of my favorite writers, Paulo Coelho. I'm not a bookworm nor a fan of books. I just read what interests me and I don't read for fun and it's not my hobby. If by chance I read a book, it's because I wanted to know what in that book. Not all books can make me want to know what's inside them, sometimes I prefer watching the movie/tv series version if it has.

Eleven Minutes is a novel that talks about a journey of a woman who fell in love and got her heart broken. The journey continues with how she reached her desires in life whatever it might take.

Maybe some of you reading this post have already read this book and became their favorite too. To those who haven't, I recommend this book. This book may already be old since it was released 9 years ago, but I tell you that you will not regret reading it.

Cosmetics

2012-01-06T14:57:00.001+08:00

I always prefer using the cosmetics that mom buys in Japan. One box of mine is just full of cosmetics that I haven't used and another box for cosmetics I'm using. From foundation, eyeliner, lipstick, mascara, perfumes, eye brightener, and others.

I'd always love to use lipsticks from YSL and mascaras from Maybelline or Lancome. I also just recently liked putting eye shadows and my favorite brand to use is Anna Sui.

They say that a girl is beautiful even in her simplest - without make up. I also believe in it so I just consider putting make up as a form art. Agree? Have you ever thought why there are different ways on putting eye liners? Have you ever thought why there are different combinations of colors of eye shadows and use all of it at the same time? Why do you have different colors of lipsticks?

Yes. Because of fashion, women tend to pair make up with what they are wearing. When there are occasions, specially formal events, women cannot leave the house without putting make-up or they wouldn't let the night pass by on that event without re-touching their faces after eating some food that were served at the event.

I have observed that some women put make-ups because they say, they look more beautiful with it, and I have observed that some women don't put make-ups because they say that it doesn't look good to them. I also agree with these. Make-ups cannot always make a woman beautiful, sometimes make-ups doesn't fit with their faces specially when it's too thick or it's too much. It's not always good to put make-ups, sometimes you have to consider factors.

Cosmetics have become a part of a woman's lifestyle.

*In the picture: are just few of the cosmetics that I own. The box came from Hublot, a famous manufacturer and seller of luxury watches from Switzerland.

Banner

2012-01-06T14:36:00.000+08:00

Made a simple banner for this blog and changed the title to what will suit it.

SEXY & DEADLY

That picture of mine is actually real and I took it on a purpose. I was browsing on Tumblr and saw a photo of a woman with the same underwear as mine. The difference though is that, hers was color pink and mine is violet. This is one of my favorites because of the color and it has ribbon on it. I posted this photo in Tumblr months ago to show to that girl that we have the same thing.

OPTIMIST. FEARLESS. HAPPY.

I just started this tagline this year 2012. Good vibes go along with it to start the year right. It's somehow a new year's resolution, but I don't really list resolutions every new year. I just thought I can incorporate it because I want to change for good and for the better. I would like to be more of a person I want to become and show who really I am. I wanted to ignore more people who judge me like they know me as much as I know myself. I wanted to be positive in all of the things that I'd be facing, fearless of anything, and happy on what I'm doing.

This is still a PERSONAL BLOG and I'm still ACCEPTING REQUEST POSTS. You can ask me questions if you would like to know something. I'd be honest unless it's beyond my limitations (personal).

Levy

2012-01-02T10:06:00.001+08:00

Yesterday, while I was browsing (or should I say, exploring?) my boyfriend's twitter, I stumbled upon a a lady that he follows named, "missLevy". Curiosity strikes me and tried to browse her profile. She's pretty, and sexy. I also found out that she has a Tumblr and knew few things about her.

Miss Levy Tran. She's full of positive energy, confidence, and she shows her real side. She's not pretending to be someone else, but she shows who really and what she is. I may not know her in person, but I adore her public personality.

She can actually inspire every woman to be positive and be the one who they want to be.

I know my blog has been full of negativity and dramas. But what I can actually say right now is I believe that everyone is beautiful. Don't be afraid to show up, and don't be afraid of what other people might say or think about you. With her situation, she received some negative comments about her tattoos, but she stood up with this and proved that she doesn't give a damn on those comments. That's what she likes, that's what she is going to do. (I recommend the song, "Smile" performed by Avril Lavigne. "I do what I want when I feel like it.") From my previous post about judgemental people, I don't like them because they are covered with the concept of morality. (I provided the link of the post by clicking judgemental)

Stay positive, fearless and happy! Smiling is one of the sexiest parts of a woman. Just like what Barney from HIMYM says, "When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story."

Christmas

2011-12-24T20:36:00.003+08:00

Literally, it will be Christmas eve in 4 hours. I don't know what to say. I have lots of blessings, but I feel empty.

Things get more complicated as days pass by. None of us want to understand each other's side. None of us would want to change for the good of the relationship. We're both selfish. Everybody must be so happy and excited with the thought of Christmas as a special day.

I don't anymore have the energy to fight for the one I love. It always drain my energy. I wasn't supposed to give up, but things change. He can't take my attitude, he want me to change, and I don't want.

I was getting more pain as he tries to fight with me. The wall between us is getting bigger and thicker. It separates us to each other, no more love, pure hate and anger.

Heartaches and ruined thoughts.

I was just asking for some details, and there you go, from a small conversation it became big.

I was having a dilemma this past week because I have noticed something about my family. Now I understand why they don't show sympathy on our relationship, it's because of my past confinement records in the hospital. They were so afraid that one day I'll just die without justice and with the most shallow, invalid, unacceptable reason.

But hey, I'm better now. I'm independent, and I do things my way. If I have to give up this relationship, then this is the right time. I just thought of, maybe, he's not really the one and I was just fascinated of how long our relationship went.

If no one will bring down their pride, and no one is going to fight for what we've had, then this is the end. I'm surrendering, and I'll never look back again.

I'm ready to move forward and forget everything. Just like, our relationship never happened.

Maybe, love is really not enough. Without trust, faith, loyalty, effort, and time.

Unfair

2011-12-12T20:58:00.001+08:00

..when things go wrong
..when things mess up
..when things don't work
..when it's not fair
..when you can't say the things that you want to say
..when you can't understand things
..when you feel like you're alone and no one seems to care
..when the only person you trust brings you down
..when you found out that you're really alone since from the start
..when the only one you thought who's gonna be by your side forever turns out to be the person who will make you kill yourself.

Judgemental

2011-12-03T19:31:00.001+08:00

"What happened to you?" - Maybe, you'd ask me this way because you're being so judgemental. I should be the one asking you that question, "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU, MY DEAR?" All of a sudden, you became this woman who judges everything like she thinks she knows everything. She judges like she knows the real story behind of that person. Behold with your thoughts and don't talk unless you know what's really happening. What you barely see is maybe just a part of the whole story.

I've posted a blog about "JUDGEMENT" last October, talking about why can't people just accept the fact or at least don't mind matters that they don't really have business with.

It's one of the things that I hated the most about people. The way they judge, the way they think, and the way they speak. As if they know the whole world, as if they've invented everything and they have the right to speak something specially behind a person.

If you see something that maybe wrong to your eyes, it may not be wrong to others because you understand it differently. We are different from each other, and so our opinions. It's better for you to mind your own shits rather than thinking about other people's mistake that you really don't have business with.

You wrap yourself with the concept of MORALITY in this world which is actually have undergone so wrong. That everything must be controlled by rules, laws, and MIND. Things you must avoid like doing something that against those. It's either you get a punishment of physically, mentally or "judgementally".

I tell you this, judging a person doesn't make him/her think about your judgement, he/she thinks about why would you even care? You're affected that much? ..LIKE HELL?

Patience

2011-12-02T19:30:00.001+08:00

This post is personal which means I don't pertain to a general topic but to my own story.

"Patience is a virtue" - that's what he will always say.

No one would really want to make a mess with me when I'm sleepy, hungry or stressed. Don't dare talk to me when I'm experiencing these things because I'm at my most fragile place. You don't want to get scold at, hear the words that would hurt you or catch a fight with me.

My boyfriend, as he's one of the most wonderful thing that God has given me, I'm really grateful and happy that God knows who would fit me. Someone who will not leave even at my most fragile moments.

He doesn't complain when I decide for the two of us.

I'm worried that one day he might leave me because of my attitude. I've been so sensitive these past few days/months because of stress (or hungry/sleepy).

There are times that he can't really decide on his own because he's afraid that I might not like what he wants or that I might think of something worse. He's also afraid when he can't make any decisions because I might get angry. These made him have fear on every word that he says. He's always afraid that we will just fight if he confront me or say something that will piss me off.

If before, I was paranoid because I was thinking worst things that will really not happen in the future, now I'm afraid that I might lose him because he can't tell what he thinks, and he can't express what he feels. He always give me the benefit and even if he can't get enough, he pretends that it really doesn't matter even if it is because HE LOVES ME.

Now that I've realized everything, I must make a solution to this. I'd try to think on what to do and how should I do it.

For the girls out there, if you're lucky just like me to have a man like him, I warn you, DON'T EVER LET GO OF THEM. It's hard to find a man who's very patient, caring, and loving. Someone who will not leave you for the better or for the worse.

Patience is virtue, good thing he believes in this principle.

For me and for the girls, the thing is, CAN YOU MAKE HIM STAY?

Happiness

2011-11-21T20:07:00.001+08:00

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs explains that when a person achieved all the needs, and reaches the peek of the pyramid, it's the time that a person feels the contentment and happiness.

You cannot be happy when you're not satisfied, and when you're not satisfied, it means you're not contented. What are the things that really makes you happy? Can you enumerate and list them all? Then mark each of those things beside as "satisfied" if your answer to this questions, "I have achieve this. Am I contented?", is a "YES".

If you answer, "I WANT MORE" or "IT LACKS SOMETHING" or "IT IS NOT ENOUGH", then you are not satisfied. It is not your happiness because it doesn't achieve what you really want or need.

It is not necessary for everyone to be happy because it's a choice. Well actually, I don't believe that happiness is a choice because you cannot decide what you should feel. What if, you're trying to distract yourself and forget what made you upset, but you keep on thinking about it, how should you feel happy about that? You choose to be happy and yet, the feeling is killing you, and that feeling is sadness. You can't stop it specially when it hurts and it bugs you every time.

Recently, I haven't been posting in my blog because I've been busy watching TV series, anime, doing school activities, and hanging out with my friends and boyfriend. These things give me happiness these past few days that's why I can't feel anything to post about. I'm so happy that I'm contented with the way things are happening and I can't describe to words what I'm feeling. It feels like I'm on a dream and it feels so right. It's real.

When I'm happy, I don't notice things around me. I mean, it's not that I don't notice, but it's the feeling that the things around me doesn't matter at all. I don't care if some people are gossiping about me. I don't care if they're talking behind my back. It doesn't matter if I have a lot of things to do. It doesn't matter if someone hates me. I became so invulnerable and insensitive to these matters. I am just happy the way things happen.

When there is love, there is happiness, and when there is happiness, everything around seems so beautiful. No jealousy, no insecurities, and no hatred.

I love this feeling.

Stress

2011-11-12T19:53:00.001+08:00

It's when I see other people calm and happy while I handle all the stress and pressure alone. It's when I have so many things to do, and no one seems to be there to help me. I'm not a robot, who knows everything, who always know what to do. I'm in need of help. Things are going heavier than it seems. Stress kills me beside from having constant headache and backpain. Seriously, wtf am I doing here? Life isn't on my side. The world brings me down. No one really cares.

Past

2011-11-07T20:29:00.002+08:00

Someone in the past has just returned. He didn't know that I already have a boyfriend. He didn't know that the man I've been telling him about before, is now my boyfriend. He said, it seems interesting that, I was telling him that my love for this man was pointless and hopeless, but after two years, he'd just know the news that this man is now my boyfriend. How ironic? I said, my love for this man was pointless and hopeless because this man doesn't notice me at all(before). Then, he'd just find out that this man is now mine. He's right, it's interesting. How did this man end up with me?

The answer is, I did the first move. Maybe not really the first move, but I let things happen the way I like it. We had a date, the usual one. He didn't fall in love with me, I know that. But after a few days, I asked him if we could try and have a relationship like more than friends, and become lovers. He said yes, and he let me understand that I should not expect anything from him. I did it. Although, after several months, I can't stand the pain he's giving me. He's not showing me what a real boyfriend should be. After 7 long months, I decided to let go and stop holding on to something that keeps on hurting me everyday. On that exact day that I decided to break up with him, is also the first time that I felt that he had fallen in love with me already. I can't believe that was happening. He was stopping me from leaving him. All the tears and effort was worth it. He's really worth it! Since then, he changed for me. He changed his ways and how he treats me. He introduced me to his parents and he brought me in their house. My very own love story is not just a story, but a challenge.

He's a very nice man. Adorable and loving. Sweet and romantic. Faithful and loyal. I could not ask for more.

Friends

2011-11-05T19:03:00.000+08:00

I have this feeling that some of my high school friends are having difficulties dealing with me. I don't know. I just feel it specially when it comes to my tweets/posts/status and the likes. Like one time, I was having a conversation in twitter with my college friend regarding Pottermore, and one friend of mine tweeted and said something about Pottermore too, I can't remember the exact words but it was like,

"You really don't know anything about Harry Potter unless you read all the books. #Pottermore"

I ignored it because maybe, JUST MAYBE, she's pointing that to someone else and not to me. Another scene is that when I invited her to my birthday party, she refused to come and chose to go to another event. She didn't also invite me on the following events that all my friends have attended. I didn't have the guts to be mad because I know my schedule won't also fit the date.

Another scenario was when I re-tweeted her tweet about the The Walking Dead, tagging one more friend. She replied on the one I tagged, but not to me.

Things aren't clear yet, but if this continues, this is a serious problem between me and her because I'm not doing anything wrong to her and yet she makes me feel like I did.

Maybe she hates me, and I can't do anything about it, it's her problem, not mine.

*Okay, so I have confirmed that she's not mad or angry at me because she talked to me today. I'm glad about it, and I'm feeling better now. Thanks I'm not losing you guys. You'd always be my real friends. (Updated as of 2011-11-07)

BI-CURIOUS

2011-11-04T20:18:00.002+08:00

I just realized that I really like looking at two girls kissing, or browsing for sexy and pretty girls. As what I've read on @MochaUson's blog, she call girls like me a BI-CURIOUS. I admit that I am fantasizing of making out with a girl, well actually a girl who's sexy, pretty, have long hair and with fair skin. I've always wanted to try it but I have no one to do that with, in fact, I am scared that my girl friends are going to freak out if they knew about this. I'd just pray and pretend that they will never know and read this blog.

It turns me on when I see two girls kissing. But ofcourse, I'm not fantasizing of having a relationship with the same sex. A man will never be replaced, specially when HE'S GREAT. :>

Skinny

2011-11-04T19:46:00.001+08:00

Before, when people are always teasing me about my body, I always get angry at them and it makes me want to eat a lot so I would gain weight. Not until I met my boyfriend. When I knew that he really likes the way I am, (how skinny I am) it boost my confidence up so high. I am not really that too skinny that my bones are almost seen. Typical skinny girl with collar bones, small waist, and long legs. I am so amazed that he gave me a list of skinny celebrities who are top models of clothing and accessories. Yes, indeed that most of the models of LV, YSL, and other brands are real slim and skinny.

Now I don't get insecure, in fact, when friends are teasing me about my body, I humbly say, "This is why I enjoy food, I stay so skinny even I eat a lot", and inside my mind I say, "I'm so lucky I'm skinny, yet healthy, and I don't have to be insecure with other girls."

But hey, no matter how heavy or light you are, it doesn't matter anyway. It's just a value. What important is your personality, on how you deal with things and with people. If you have a good heart, then you deserve to be loved and cared. Ignore those people who say you're fat or you're thin. You are not supposed to care what other people are saying/thinking.

So smile often and reach a hand to others. Always remember, that the happiest girls are always the prettiest. :)

*I have a previous blog post about those people who are saying I'm not sexy. Click here to read.

Together

2011-11-02T20:03:00.000+08:00

He's so sweet, loving, and caring. Words are not enough to explain how I feel about him, about today, about what he did today. He's amazing, so amazing! I'm so happy because he made me forget everything, all the bitterness and madness inside me are all gone. I think this is the REAL happiness they're talking about. Happiness that doesn't come with material things but with abstract feelings. Life can't get any better when you have the best things. I'm such a lucky girl for having him in my world. If only only the other girls know what he's like, I bet that they'd be so jealous of me and would envy me because I've got everything in him.

Keychain

2011-11-01T18:32:00.000+08:00

I'd like to have a new elegant keychain for my new bag. I also like to look for a pin for Dart. I want to give him something new, because he's been so plain since I had him last January(except for the purple ribbon I gave him). He doesn't smell like uhm.. I miss that smell. Whenever I hug Dart, all I think about is this one person and I really can't take away that.

I wish to have new bookshelves too, something I can own like the one I had when we were still in our old house. I want to buy photo albums too and print all the pictures I had this college. I'd arrange them according to event, and date.

I want to make a Couple-Photo-Album too, where I'd put all the pictures of our adventures together. But I think I shouldn't do it this time because I have priorities to finish first.

I just want to blog the future things I would like to do, after finishing my studies and before I start working. I'm excited and I need an inspiration to move forward.

Trust

2011-11-01T18:19:00.006+08:00

How do you really give your trust to a person? How does a person breaks a trust? What if a friend or a partner kept a secret from you for a reason? Would you be angry? What if he/she lied to you, not once, but more than that? Is he/she going to lose your trust? What is the real meaning of it?

I've got so many questions. I've been wondering what are the answers and who can answer it. If I'm going to define "trust" on my point of view, I'm going to define it as, an action towards someone you don't doubt, and you believe in. So, if I doubt over a person, meaning, I don't trust him/her. Likewise, if I don't believe in him/her, how can I trust him/her? So if you say, you trust on your prayers, it means that you believe in it, and you don't doubt if it will be answered or not. That's what is trust for me. Maybe it's too shallow, but it's the best way I can explain on how do I give my trust to someone. No matter how close or strangers we are to each other, there factors are to be considered.

If I trust in you, never break that, never give me a reason to put away it from you because once you did, you'll be having a hard time to get it back, or worse, you'll never get it back again. It's one precious thing that you should cherish and give importance.

Materialistic

2011-11-01T17:59:00.001+08:00

I've never been a person fond of material things. Since I was a kid, I've been wishing for events or abstract things, not for any material stuff. Well one proof is, every year, me and my family celebrates my birthday through outing and that's what I'd always ask my parents. I never asked for a concrete gift. When I grew up a little, I'd always ask them to let me treat my friends out to celebrate my birthday, and that's my birthday gift. Although, they used to give me a material one too every year because they know I need it.

I just figured out that some of my friends are listing their Christmas Wishlist and I think I'll try to list mine too. So for Christmas, I want:

New Cellphone
New Laptop
Necklace with my name on it
Necklace with a clock locket as pendant
Necklace with a ribbon as pendant
Catching Fire and Mocking Jay books
Shopping Money
Salon Gift Checks (For makeover)

I think that's all! :)

Relationship

2011-10-31T19:25:00.001+08:00

I really don't know why he last this long in our relationship. I've been a stubborn, selfish, jealous, moody, and demanding girlfriend. He's been always there even if sometimes I push him away. He never left me (maybe he did once, twice?), but really, most of the time, he's there. He's really amazing. A boyfriend that every girl is dreaming about. He's just here beside me, loving me so pure. Staying faithful and loyal. I'm just really lucky to have this guy. Sometimes I get mad, yes maybe. I keep secrets from him. There are things that I really cannot say because I know, he won't understand and it will just start the fight. I keep it to myself because I know it will not be solved and maybe, there's really no solution for my problem. I am the problem. The pain kills me inside, but it doesn't matter, he makes me happy anyway. I appreciate every little effort he gives, and I regret those times that I get mad or I am so hard headed. I sometimes don't treat him right, but he's still here, with me.

But I wish, time will come that he'll understand me, the very deepest of me. I wish he'd know what I really want, and he'll realize that there's really something missing in our relationship. It was complete, but slowly breaking piece by piece.

Men

2011-10-31T19:09:00.003+08:00

I was scrolling on my Tweetdeck and saw a tweet from MochaUson. She said, "Men are always horny, and that's definitely a fact." And I didn't hesitate to respond and disagree with that. Men are not always horny. There are times that they are really not in the mood for stuff like that. I'm not saying this because I've experienced it myself, but I have this one situation that I hated the most in my relationship. I couldn't share it here, but I know, some of the girls out there have faced the same situation as mine already. I don't know how did they deal with it. For me, I'm having a hard time believing already with things like these. I want to go far away from this, and it is really hard once you have opened up.

Shoes

2011-10-31T17:57:00.000+08:00

Two of the shoe brands(and design) I didn't really have a heart were Sanuk and Toms. I don't know, it doesn't appeal that much to me and I can't really appreciate it. Although, I really like Toms' idea of buying one pair of shoes will be equal to another pair of shoes for a needy. That's one thing very good about them and I'd even advertise and promote their shoes because of that brilliant and helpful idea. I know a lot of people there bought those brands already, but it's okay. It's what you want and it's not what I want so I don't buy. No problem about that. I'm just sharing my thoughts about it. I didn't like those because, it is not as cool as Vans, not as vintage as Converse(chucks), or not even as pretty as Nike. Well, it's somewhat incomparable because the designs they made are actually different from those I mentioned. But if I were to choose which to pick, I'd choose Vans over Sanuk or Toms.

EX-GIRLFRIEND

2011-10-31T17:34:00.002+08:00

You know what guys? Girls are really sensitive and overreacting. I just knew that he passed by her ex-girlfriend somewhere in the streets, and I asked a lot of questions already. Jealousy? Intriguing him that much makes me uncomfortable. I asked him, who's the girl, what's her name, how many months did they last, did they talk, is she beautiful. Questions that other girls can relate about to because I know they'll ask the same question if this situation comes to them also. I overreact on things. I don't know. Woman's nature? I guess so.

Cuddling

2011-10-31T08:04:00.002+08:00

I want to spend one day and one night with you. Movie/TV Series Marathon, eating ice cream, chocolates, hugging, kissing, more cuddling, and sharing happiness. Doing all these in bed with you for one whole day and one whole night. Oh I think it would feel so great because I really do miss you now and I want to do it right now.

There are times that you'd tickle me, I'll eventually laugh and I'll beg you to stop it and then laugh again. I'll smell you, your shirt, and I'll always put your hands on my face because it's so warm that I want it that way forever. You'd smell my hair, kiss my forehead and kiss me again on my hand, then you'll tell me you love me and that it will never change.

I wish you were here to cuddle with me.

Judgement

2011-10-30T21:05:00.001+08:00

I've heard/read people say these things to me:

"You're not sexy, you're too skinny."
"Don't you have a day without money? You always go out with your boyfriend and you go shop for yourself."

Yes I'm not sexy and neither you are. I admit that I'm too skinny and I'm proud of it. Why? Because I can eat anything I want without thinking I'm going to be fat because my goal is to really gain weight. I'm not afraid to eat my favorite kinds of food and I'm comfortable the way I am and it allows me not to be insecure with other girls.

I'm not rich, and as what I've told from previous post, you don't judge people that way. If he/she buys something or keeps on going out, it doesn't concern you at all. It's my money, why should you be concern? This is what makes me happy, and I'm enjoying life. I'm still under my parents' care. I do not have to worry about bills and stuff because I need to enjoy this before I step forward and have the responsibilities. I'm going to learn on my own way, and you have nothing to do with it. Also, this doesn't mean that I don't care on how hard my parents are working. I still care and I am really concern. I keep and save money just in case they couldn't give me allowance. I'm not a spoiled brat who wastes money to nothing. They're the one who told me to enjoy my life everyday because time will come, I'll handle their responsibility and I'll no longer enjoy it. That's the way our family works.

Request

2011-10-30T20:48:00.001+08:00

So I have decided to make free post for you guys. If you want to get an opinion from me or get my point of view regarding a certain topic, I'll assure you that you can count on me! (Sometimes you have homeworks like surveys and stuff, I can be one of the samples)

It's totally free and no hidden charges. I can even promote your blog and add them to the list of must-seen blogs/sites. I'll be creating that section too soon.

It may take some time creating your requests because I might be lacking of knowledge regarding that topic and there are factors to be considered before I create a post.

Feel free to ask a request from me ;)

Overthinking

2011-10-30T19:18:00.001+08:00

Woman always overthink things specially when it comes to relationship. When there's something unusual with her partner, thousands of things are bugging her. She thinks of negative things like she might have done something that became a reason for her partner to change or do something unlikely.

Women are very sensitive. You can get her easily, but you can also get into her nerves with ease.

Men, in general, don't understand figurative speech. Women have to speak directly to the point because men won't figure it out by themselves unless you explain it further to them. Your silence may mean something to you, but to your partner, it does not mean anything because you don't speak.

If you have concerns regarding your relationship or to your partner, speak up, direct to the point. He'd miss a lot if you don't speak literal. He'll never understand why you act that way and will never know the reason why he made you upset or disappointed.

Women must learn to appreciate men's effort, and men must learn the ways of women.

Return

2011-10-30T17:38:00.003+08:00

If you ask me which of the days from my past would I want to happen again, I'd answer you, that would be the day I knew him. The feeling is so great. Being in love yet you're on your denial stage. You seem not to admit the feeling because you're not sure of what might come if you fall completely. It was the feeling of having it that way even if you're truly hopeless.

I can still remember my 18th birthday. The celebration I had with my closest friends. I feel happy that night, but there's really something missing. It feels like, the night was lacking of something. I sat on the swing and looked at my friends but my mind wasn't there. I was thinking of him. I was thinking, that maybe, I'm happier if he attended and came to my party. Maybe I could kiss him this night and he'd like it (or maybe not). Things I wanted to happen. Things I wish on my birthday. Then I thought of God. God didn't gave me you for my birthday, but I was happy that He let me know and meet you.

I didn't expect that I'll have you. I just hope but I didn't know it will happen. It happened on our first day. It started with a kiss. From that day on I never knew you'll notice me and have your attention. The kiss gave me butterflies in my stomach. It's so sweet, gentle, and your lips are really soft.

Now I know why God didn't grant my birthday wish. You're not a birthday gift. You're a Christmas gift.

Morality

2011-10-30T12:44:00.000+08:00

Why did people implement the word "MORALITY"? We do not need a standard on how people should act. Rules and laws are enough, but setting a standard for morality is too much. You don't coin a term for a girl who loves having sex as someone who lacks morality. It's her ways and it's what she likes. It's like calling someone "FAT" because she eats too much. No. We don't need to criticize others by judging them based on their attitude. You judge them by deeds. You do not measure which weighs heavier.

People are overreacting. Each one of us can be something we want to. We can do whatever we want as long as we do not hurt others. You see, the problem with humanity is that they act like they know everything and they think like they are always right. No, it doesn't work that way. You know you're not doing anything bad if you do not hurt other people, besides, only the minds made these standards.

Can you understand? If a woman wears clothes like short shorts and backless with her underwear almost seen, you'd call her "SLUT". Why did you? Because she dresses that way? Do you think dressing that way would hurt somebody? Did she hurt you? NO. She didn't. She does that for herself. She does that because it is where she's comfortable at. You don't have the right to set the standards and judge people with your own eyes. OPEN YOUR MINDS. OPEN YOU HEARTS. And one more thing, the world has a lot of problems. If you only do is to judge and criticize people, instead of helping out yourself, you're wasting your time, totally. For in fact, she was a volunteer to save people's lives, and you? YOU'RE A FREAKING PERSON WHO JUDGES BUT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING GOOD AT ALL. You are the one who doesn't have morality because you don't even know how to help other people. Poor you because you have standards, you are not comfortable because you can't do something you want and because you think of what other people will think about you.

Not for us. We're free and we ignore what other people would think about us as long as we do not hurt anybody.

Blogger

2011-10-30T08:19:00.000+08:00

Now I understand why @itsdamien loves her secret blog so much. It's been years since the last time I had my blog here and it was too way simple. Now that I went back to my account and created a new blog, I have found out new features and ways on designing the blog. It's pretty amazing that when I started here(November 2006), the "FOLLOW" feature has not been implemented yet and the tagging is not so popular.

Things changed, they have innovated to be able to win the competition between other blogs out there. It's nice to be back here. I'd love to share my thoughts(and secrets) on this blog. Readers are welcome.

Accusation

2011-10-29T21:32:00.000+08:00

I am the kind of person who reads and views a lot in Twitter, Facebook or Tumblr or maybe you can call me "Active User" of the online world. There are times that when something I read strikes me or somehow hits me on my face, I assume that it has something to do with me or that the person who posted that intended to it. I supposed that sometimes, I think that way because it is somehow related with my recent postings or news about me.

What do I actually do? Well, I'm not interested to find it out anymore if it is really for me, so ignore it. It's not my hobby to check on something that doesn't do business with me at all. It's enough that I have assumed. There's no more reason to go through it and confirm. All I know is that, people don't really know people, they just judge on how they view others on their side without considerations.

They criticize on what they are actually insecure about.

Paranoia

2011-10-29T20:26:00.000+08:00

I can still remember how I was when I was in my teen years. Yes. I do still remember some things about me. How I react, deal, and ignore things. My life was totally positive and I've been always a strong girl. I'm approachable and I'll do any favor you'll ask me to. I grant wishes and hopes because I want other people to be happy. I'm happy that way. I don't criticize people(before), and I don't judge them.

It is when I went to college that I have face my fears and the real challenge of being a teenager. The first days and months gone so well. Got my heart broken for the first part, but found a new love. I entered the relationship and after almost two years, I just found out that I've been suffering from paranoia or a disorder of a person that excessively thinks of exaggerated things that might happen in the future without any logical reasons or basis.

I realized I just found weakness in my strength. The sadness in my happiness. They say when you don't trust someone, you can't love them.

I'm in the stage of being afraid to lose someone important in my life. Someone who I consider my world and my everything.

I'm a woman. Maybe if you have read books about "Why Women Acts Crazy About Guys" or the likes, you'll understand me, or the least, if you're a woman too, you'll perhaps understand what I'm going through.

I'm insecure with every girl that I know he likes. I wanted to surpass that girl and prove to him that I'm better than her. The situation is always like that. I get jealous when she talks(online or in real life) with other girls, specially if I do not know the girl and he's close to her.

I always think of things like, "He must have enough/too much of me" or, "He maybe doesn't like me anymore".

I'm paranoid. I am so.